Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
