I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is classic penis vs brain.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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