Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
