so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
