where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Mom said you looked used
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
