I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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