What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
