come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
