yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
