so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
