No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
It's no shave November. This is our time.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
