So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
