Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
