He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
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