I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
