I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
