Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
