Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
