the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Sext me about skeletons
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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