I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
