Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
