Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
