I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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