He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
