You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
i believe in u and ur pee
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
