Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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