Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
