I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
