Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
