I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
