My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
