She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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