have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
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we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
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sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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