you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
