i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
