my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
