I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
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Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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