he thought i was a dude.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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