conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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