Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
