Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
