Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
