Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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