just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
