This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
