My brain says no but my pants say off.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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