You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
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