Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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