he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
