i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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