If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
ttyl tear gas
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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