Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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