I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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