i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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