THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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