I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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