You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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