please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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