Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
