On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
