The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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