giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
