Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
