Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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