i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
